I did the talk at the Commencement Service of the Rochester & Rutherford Hall at Canterbury University last night. R&R is a residence hall with around 180 students - I'm one of the part-time chaplains there.
Here is an excerpt...
A friend sent me an email with some quotes from children on love… some are hard case and some are quite profound…
Karl - age 5 'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on after shave and they go out and smell each other.'
Chrissie - age 6 'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Emily - age 8 'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mummy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss' Bobby - age 7 'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' Lauren - age 4 'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
This one in particular stood out…
Billy - age 4 'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
I think the reading we heard from Isaiah is fundamentally about God saying that our names are safe in his mouth –
I have called you by name and you are mine – whatever goes on – the ups and downs, I will be with you, I will never leave you or abandon you.
Whose mouth is your name safe in?
How might you minimize the risk of someone using your name in an abusive manner
or in a way that diminishes you?
As a church minister I get to do a few interesting things – one of the highlights was when I was invited to be a part of an evening series of talks aimed at the Year 10 girls and their parents, on the subject of sex.
The other speakers were talking about body and health things but the Principal wanted someone to talk about values and stuff like that, and I was asked. What an opportunity!
The reaction from the girls when I mentioned anything to do with sex was really quite wonderful… and the reaction from the parents was equally good.
The girls went ‘ooh’ and the parents… well, they tended to look at the floor!
I figured that if the minister dared to talk about these matters in a frank and open way then the girls and their parents might find it easier to talk
– because it is better to be able to talk about it than have it treated as something shameful.
Among the things I put to the girls were these observations:
Guys see having sex as a conquest more than girls do
– do you want to be a notch in some guys belt?
Guys are more likely to talk about their sexual exploits than girls
– do you want to be talked about in that way?
Guys are more likely to name their sexual partners
– do you want your name being broadcast in such a way?
I was talking to a bunch of girls but what I was saying is equally relevant to guys…
Do you want to be the kind of guy who treats women as objects to satiate your desires?
Would you want your life-partner to also be understood as some sort of trophy in another guy’s cupboard of memories?
Would you like it if your sister or daughter was understood diminished in this way?
The point is this: Is your name going to be safe in the mouth of the person you are thinking about being intimate with?
Be careful. In the journey of finding yourself, which is so much of what university life is about, don’t lose yourself.
Don’t settle for something less just because you now have incredible freedom.
In what ways can you let the words and actions of ‘I love you’ always be something precious in your life.
Here is an excerpt...
A friend sent me an email with some quotes from children on love… some are hard case and some are quite profound…
Karl - age 5 'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on after shave and they go out and smell each other.'
Chrissie - age 6 'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Emily - age 8 'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mummy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss' Bobby - age 7 'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' Lauren - age 4 'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
This one in particular stood out…
Billy - age 4 'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
I think the reading we heard from Isaiah is fundamentally about God saying that our names are safe in his mouth –
I have called you by name and you are mine – whatever goes on – the ups and downs, I will be with you, I will never leave you or abandon you.
Whose mouth is your name safe in?
How might you minimize the risk of someone using your name in an abusive manner
or in a way that diminishes you?
As a church minister I get to do a few interesting things – one of the highlights was when I was invited to be a part of an evening series of talks aimed at the Year 10 girls and their parents, on the subject of sex.
The other speakers were talking about body and health things but the Principal wanted someone to talk about values and stuff like that, and I was asked. What an opportunity!
The reaction from the girls when I mentioned anything to do with sex was really quite wonderful… and the reaction from the parents was equally good.
The girls went ‘ooh’ and the parents… well, they tended to look at the floor!
I figured that if the minister dared to talk about these matters in a frank and open way then the girls and their parents might find it easier to talk
– because it is better to be able to talk about it than have it treated as something shameful.
Among the things I put to the girls were these observations:
Guys see having sex as a conquest more than girls do
– do you want to be a notch in some guys belt?
Guys are more likely to talk about their sexual exploits than girls
– do you want to be talked about in that way?
Guys are more likely to name their sexual partners
– do you want your name being broadcast in such a way?
I was talking to a bunch of girls but what I was saying is equally relevant to guys…
Do you want to be the kind of guy who treats women as objects to satiate your desires?
Would you want your life-partner to also be understood as some sort of trophy in another guy’s cupboard of memories?
Would you like it if your sister or daughter was understood diminished in this way?
The point is this: Is your name going to be safe in the mouth of the person you are thinking about being intimate with?
Be careful. In the journey of finding yourself, which is so much of what university life is about, don’t lose yourself.
Don’t settle for something less just because you now have incredible freedom.
In what ways can you let the words and actions of ‘I love you’ always be something precious in your life.
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